Hey fellow chumps, listen up! The Mudokons here at Alf’s Rehab and Tea have been chewin’ my ear off recently. Complainin’ all the time about my tea- can ya believe it? You’d think with all the work I do for those guys they’d appreciate it, but no- they’re always yappin’ on and on.

‘Alf, when are ya goin’ ta come up with some new recipes? Alf, we’ve had this one before.’

Blah, blah, blah. It’s every day with those guys! I’m tired of their complainin’ so I had ta try and find time in my busy schedule ta come up with some new tea for them ta drink. I mean I wouldn’t want them goin’ back on the brew. Abe isn’t the only hero around here, ya know. He might have freed us all but who ends up bein’ the unsung hero in all of this?

Yours truly, that’s who.

Anyway- what’s a Mud ta do but roll up his sleeves and get ta work? I was up all night workin’ on some new teas and they turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. The others seemed to like them, they’ve stopped their whinin’ at least…

They went down so well in fact that I thought it’d be a good idea ta share the recipes with you all. Keepin’ something so extraordinary ta ourselves isn’t what we Mudokons are about, ya know- that’s more of a Glukkon philosophy.

So gather round and listen, alright?

I know everyone’s gettin’ all excited about Ed and those horrifyin’ pictures we’ve seen flyin’ back and forth, but sometimes you’ve just gotta relax and wind down. Others ya need to get those creative juices flowin’ and occasionally you need somethin’ ta put a little spring in your step. Alf to the rescue (again).

Over the next few weeks I’m going ta be checkin’ in with you guys and sharin’ all my secrets! Want ta try my world famous tea from the comfort of your own home? No problem! First we’re gonna start with a real simple one that I like ta call Alf’s Min-tea. It’s so simple in fact that some of ya might be inclined to complain that there’s no actual tea in it. But there’s more than one kinda tea, and I don’t want ta throw ya straight in the deep end. It’s hot, and it’s good fer ya- it’s a smart place ta start!

Before we do that though- there are a few rules- I wouldn’t want anyone ta be accusin’ your pal of bein’ irresponsible or somethin’! If you’re allergic ta any of the ingredients I give ya, don’t drink it- it aint worth that (an’ I don’t want ya gettin’ sick on my conscience, either!) Also, if you’re a little guy or gal or you’re just kinda clumsy (I aint judging!) make sure ya have someone supervisin’ ya. I could tell ya about some of the accidents we’ve had here at Alf’s Rehab and tea but they’re all gross and kinda make me look bad so I won’t bore ya.

Some of you might be thinkin’ ‘But Alf, ain’t the plants you use gonna be different to the stuff we have?’ Well yeah- but don’t underestimate your old pal. If there’s one thing I know it’s tea, (ya know, because I run Alf’s Rehab and Tea- my name’s on the sign an’ everythin’) and I think that I know enough to point you in the direction of all the right substitutions an’ stuff. So, are ya ready?

All ya need for this first one are three simple things:

• A lemon
• Mint Leaves
• An orange

Easy, right? All you gotta do is throw the leaves into a big pan of water, then squeeze all of the juice outta that orange and lemon I mentioned earlier. When the water starts ta boil turn it down and let it simmer for about 15 minutes. Then strain it all out (make sure ya use a sieve or somethin’ similar- I caught a helper of mine tryin’ ta strain a batch once through an old loincloth- I had ta throw it all away! No-one wants that.)

That’s it! Then ya can sit back, relax an’ know that you’re drinkin’ the closest you’re gonna get to Alf’s brew!

Follow my instructions and you’ll be sippin’ a delicious brew in no time! And ya know, if ya want to share what you make with me and shower me with praise, who am I to stop ya?