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Dear Alf 73 - Variety is the Scourge of Life

Crig is still squatting in the Rehab and stealing all the #DearAlf questions about Sligs! How much do you think we could annoy him?
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Hey listen, dumpchucks! A great is here. I’m gonna sit here and listen to you all while you shout questions at me. Then I’m gonna give you answers. Alf does this all the time, so I guess it’s more fun as a regular kinda thing.

And none of your floaty dreams about Abe, or Mudokons, or Wildlife or anything weak like that. Just keep everything you gotta say on the topic of Sligs, and I think we’ll all have a good time. Got that? Okay. Fire.

RoboSensei I wonder what Sligs would look like without all of their technological improvements. Are all Sligs working for the Magog Cartel, or are they “wild” Sligs out in the far reaches of Mudos?

That’s rude. I don’t go asking what you look like with your pants off. Just coz we don’t wear shirts and ties, don’t mean we gots no dignity! There’s only two kindsa Sligs in this Oddworld: the kind that’s got a proper job, and the kind that’s served in a bowl. And I ain’t feelin’ up for a tenderizing right now, so I’m keeping my work-issue uniform, thanks pally.

Gerard Young Did Sligs used to be Paramites?

Yeah sure, and Slogs used to be Scrabs! Bwahahaha! And this tiny bug I’m crushing will one day grow into a giant dirigible, bwahahaha! I love your imagination, chump, it makes me feel good about having mechanical feet to keep on the ground.

Jimmy where did the sligs come from?

Ya mean all of us? I dunno, some stagnant gutter in the pits of nature, wallowing in their own pointlessness? Well good riddance to those meek and pathetic worms! No more writhing in the dirt, we have massive birthing complexes to bring us into the world! We got an entire industry dedicated just to us! Ain’t nobody else that special.

TheOddgamer #DearAlf How will Sligs born? I mean, Mudokons have Sam, Glukkons have Lady Margeret but does Sligs have a mother too? Or are they Clones?

Like any self-respecting, red-blooded Inhabitant, we come from a mommy. My ma is called Skillya and she’s as big and beligerant as they come! No one tells mommy what to do and expects to see the end of the day! If I could be a tenth as badbutt as her I’d die a happy Slig.

gizzybiscuits If birthing is supposed to be painful to the point that eating the young seems like a cathartic option, what convinces slig queens to keep on breeding?

Coz that’s where the Moolah is, vachead! You can’t lease your unrivalled army to every factory franchise on the continent if the majority of it is partially digested. There’s contracts and quotas to keep! Mommy works hard so we can all enjoy the legs and bullets she makes sure we get given.

Also if regular sligs are ugly to the point that even glukkons who see vykkers don’t want to look at them, how fugly are the queens? Like cataclysmic levels of fugly?

There’s a reason we don’t carry pictures of mommy in our wallets!

Scearas Can the Slig Queen produce an occasional infertile female?

An infertile female? What’s the point in that? Did I not explain the thing about the unrivalled army delivered to every factory franchise on the continent? A Slig Queen that don’t make Slig Workers is like a RuptureFarms that don’t make Meech Munchies. Throw it in the trash with the “kind-hearted Sligs” and the rest of us will get on with our lives.

slig20 Hey Crig bro high four …. so yeah I been meaning to ask for a long time now are albino sligs only a myth or are they real I heard about one that did a runner whadda you think

High four, slig20! I’ll never get you guys’ obsession with broken Sligs. “Kind-hearted” this and “mask fell off” that, it’s like you’re trying to corrupt Sligkind. No, we don’t want our genetics ruined by freaks and mutants, and any albino bambino reckless enough to get born should have the common decency to remove itself from the gene pool… permanently! Remember, variety is the scourge of life!

Azileks Do you know the albino slig from SligStorm?

I don’t associate with ANY weirdo Sligs, albino or otherwise.

If yes what’s is name?

No!

Did the game ever come out? I’d love to play it.

No!

I’ve had enough of this dump! You guys have no idea what makes a Slig tick. Shove your flowery teas and your bizarre love of renegade degenerates! I’m going back to the big city. I might not have a whole Rehab full of substance-dependent ex-slaves to coerce into subservience, but there’s 3-for-1 protein meatshakes, medium-speed internet and half price evenings at Rollocking Rick’s Rifle Range Rental.

Guess you poor suckers have only got Alf to entertain you now. I feel your pain! But you ain’t following me back to my apartment coz my landlump says I’m not allowed pets. Lousy, stinking critter taxes. Guess you’d better make sure the poor schmuck has a bunch of decent questions to answer when he comes to. Leave your best ones in the comments below or use the hashtag #DearAlf on Facebook or Twitter.

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Rating: 4.9/5 (19 votes cast)
Dear Alf 73 - Variety is the Scourge of Life, 4.9 out of 5 based on 19 ratings

I am over 13

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Comments

  • pacmario64

    If crig said internet…do Mudokons have any sort of site to share stuff and talk online?

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • pacmario64

    first and I am going to think of a ?…c what I did there…see whant I did THERE

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)