Dear Alf

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Dear Alf October 2011 (Volume 1)

Teacher. Healer. Friend. Listener. He's the all-knowing, soul-growing, tea-brewing, info-spewing Savior of the Mudokons' Kettles, and he doesn't write his own introductions or anything, I…

Teacher. Healer. Friend. Listener. He’s the all-knowing, soul-growing, tea-brewing, info-spewing Savior of the Mudokons’ Kettles, and he doesn’t write his own introductions or anything, I swear! Alf has returned, if he ever left the office in the first place, to pick up the phone, open his emails, check his tweets and hide the letter stinkbombs in Abe’s latrine. Along the way he’s collated ever more of your incessant questions to publish with corresponding (but not corroborated) answers. Turn on, tune in, scroll down.

Tori: Okay, I’ve been wondering this for a while, since after I beat Munch’s Oddysee maybe: How tall are the Oddworld characters? Like Munch and Abe? What about those greasy sligs? I mean, I’ve seen the credit picture at the end of Munch’s Oddysee and Munch looks huge compared to the people in it, as do the fuzzles! I always thought they were tiny, lol!

Let’s start with Abe. Abe is a perfectly respectable 5-foot-8. Munch is about 4-foot-6, Sligs are 5-foot when on foot and not asleep, Glukkons can be anywhere from 7 to 9 foot tall! Stranger is 9 foot tall, Snoozers are 15-foot, Gloktigi are 15-foot or taller! Slurgs aren’t measured in feet, they’re measured in decibels.

Bippo: Dear Alf, I have been curious for the longest time about the taste of the products the Glukkons manufactured. I’m sure you have at least sampled some of the products during your time as a slave. What did Meech Munchies taste like? How about Scrab Cakes? Paramite Pies? Soulstorm Brew? Hold on — do Mudokons even have taste buds? Thanks in advance for reading this.

Of course we have taste buds! If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be able to taste the sweet, salty flakiness of a Scrab Cake or the tangy, spongey processed flesh of a Paramite Pie. Oh, and the bubbling, foaming, refreshing, revitalizing glory that is SoulStorm Brew. Oh durn it, I’ve gotta get in touch with my sponsor. Thanks a bunch, you pro. Here’s your Doctorate in Temptation.

Peter: Alf, I wanted to ask ya somethin’. I don’t know what may have happened post-Munch’s Oddysee. I mean, with the destruction of Vykkers Labs and all, those sleazy Industrial punks have fallen into recession, haven’t they?

Some have, but we’ve only just started chipping away at the full extent of capitalism on Mudos. There are more industrial families than you can shake a Stunk at, and more coniving tactics to survive financial hardship than a Vykker has varicose veins.

Tomahawk: And are the outlaws all the members of the same race or not?

No, there are dozens of outlaw species stradling the line between Moolah-greedy bastards and victims of industrial revolution. What were once distinct cultures have conglomerated into a cut-throat society of opportunists who only knows how to survive by stealing and cheating. If they all look similar to your eyes, that’s probably a result of convergent evolution, interbreeding and homogenized fashion.

Troy: i was wondering whats the poytail on modukons

It’s a ponytail, genius. It’s what happens when our feathery hair is tied behind our heads, as Glukkons tend to force us to do. It’s just another way they distance us from our cultural heritage and sense of freedom. Plus, it helps keep heads getting snagged in the legal papers shredder.

Tom: I’ve always wondered how exactly you catch a scrab to make scrab cakes, I mean, they’re not exactly the tamest of creatures.

You don’t need to tame them to catch them, but you do need one or several of the following: nimbleness, strong rope, a gun, heavy armor, fleetness of foot, a foot trap, boxcars, enough kahonees for a game of billiards. It helps to tame them, but that’s not in the interests of RuptureFarms. Dragging them kicking and screaming to a crampt outdoors pen does just fine.

Paramite Pie Eater: Hey Alf is there gonna be any backstory on the old Mud tribes from the first two games?

The old Mudokon tribes are the backstory…

Zach: Hey Alf, got another question for ya. Where does the game Strangers Wrath take place on Oddworld,or does it even take place in the same time period?

The Mongo River Valley is in Western Mudos, the same continent where Abe and Munch have been going on a factory-bankrupting frenzy. Stranger’s Wrath and Munch’s Oddysee take place at roughly the same time.

Toyoka: Hey Alf! I’ve just been wonderin’, what ever happened to “Stranger” the steef? Will he be capturin’ more outlaws or even meet Abe at some point? Have you even seen him yourself? He is the last of his kind, right? :(

I’ve never met a Steef, what with them living on the other side of the continent and all. Last we saw the Strange Steef Dude he’d led hundreds of Grubbs to their deaths and discovered the horrible fate of an old Steef. But hey, at least he brought the fish back so the natives can eat again. I believe that’s what we call a Pyloric Victory.

kamal: 1-when you put 2 scrabs together they kill each other but…what if:scrab+paramite?,scrab+slog?,scrab+bats/bees?,scrab+elum?…I got a lot of questions about creature reactions but that’s enough for now.

Yes, the Scrab would kill any of them that weren’t wise enough to run and hide. Except probably bats and bees, I can’t imagine why a Scrab would waste his energy on such little critters unless it was particularly hungry.

2-do the mudokons pay you when they drink tea?,how do they pay you?(with mollah or something)

Recovering addicts get their rehabilitation for free. It’s all part and parcel of their reintegration into native society. Making them do chores to earn that tea is part and parcel of teaching them they still need to work for the good of the community. If someone wants to come and get served a nice meal or cuppa and I’m not too busy with work, they can pay for it in kind: I don’t need or charge any stinkin’ Moolah!

3-last not there’s a mudokon/slig female?,is there’s any changes between scrab/paramite/slog males and females ?,when do they appear?

The majority of Oddworld creatures are super species: they have very few males and even fewer females. All the Mudokons and Sligs we’ve seen so far are sexless workers with no reproductive capacity. They exist, in a biological sense, to serve the breeding castes for the good of the bloodline. That doesn’t stop us being individuals with hopes and dreams, but it does stop us being motivated by anything mushy.

In order to save your mind from blowing up that’s all for now. I shall tell you if you get 1 mollah for every question I have then getting 10 billion mollah would be less sorry for those questions.

What am I going to spend Moolah on? Scrab Cakes? Gabbiar? A huge luxury dirigible with my face painted on the side? Actually…

David: Alf why is it everywhere you look in oddworld there are no females for any species except glukkens as they have a queen unless its a drag queen. any way why are there no females and where do mudoken eggs come from? thanks Alf.

The females are the queens, and we haven’t seen them yet. The males are the drones, and we haven’t seen them yet either. Mudokon eggs come from Mudokon queens’, well, from Mudokon queens.

Mike: So, Fleeches were originally Glukkon pets before getting flushed down the toilet? Given the, shall we say, borderline homicidal behavior Fleeches are known for, how was such a thing possible? Strict obedience training?

It’s not a problem when they’re small. When they’re small, the worst damage they can do is remove dirt and grime from all those hard-to-reach places, which is exactly why they’re sold as pets in the first place. The trouble starts when they grow big and bloodlusty enough to do physical damage. It’s no coincidence that this is when they get flushed.

Joseph: 1: Is it the same Elum in both Paramonia and Scrabania or are they identical (and equally smelly) relatives?

I keep asking Elum this very question but all he does is grunt at me. I offer him honey if he answers, he just licks his lips, wags his tail and follows me for the rest of the day. I tell ya, if Abe’s steed in Paramonia and Scrabania was as uncooperative as he tells me, they’re one and the same.

2: In the first cut scene of the second disc of Abe’s Exoddus, we see Aslik, Dripik, and Phleg bickering about Abe getting into Feeco Depot. One of them says “Molluck is gonna be pissed!” Is this a hint that Molluck might still be around somewhere in hiding, or do the other Glukkons just not know that he’s dead?

Doesn’t matter. If you boss is ruthless enough, you’d be scared of them whether they were dead, comatose, missing or on vacation. And Molluck is one ruthless boss. I once saw him have a worker thrown into a pit of Scrabs just because he’d eaten the last donut in the factory canteen.

George: Have Rupture Farms discovered all the delicious recipes with Clakkers yet?

Delicious as the products may be, even I doubt the Glukkons would attempt to market snack foods made out of members of civilized society. I certainly don’t see them selling well in any Clakker township, do you?

josh bussa: what I don’t like about abe is wy shoud he save the Mudokons wy don’t they save them-self but I think they had power like abe that would be so awsome so then they could defened them-self so that what I don’t like about abe =)

You’ve got to be kidding. Abe is the weakest, weaseliest, weediest Mudokon you’re likely to find this side of a forced starvation camp. He sees his buddies become fighters, soldiers and warriors all around him while he stays on the sidelines and would get smooshed in a second if danger ever fought its way through to him. Abe’s strength isn’t even really his mystical powers, although they helpful from time to time; it’s his bravery, his conviction, his heart and righteousness. You can’t just give those qualities to others, they have to learn them for themselves.

Sandwich: Is there a possibility of a release of the music from the PS1 Abe games either on CD or through iTunes or something like that? I love the music in those games and if you made it available for purchase, I would buy it right away!

That’s a bit tough. Have you heard how dynamic the music in those games is? It’s also composed on the fly with loads of different low-bit sounds, not nice high-quality tracks. If we release a proper soundtrack we want it to be better than that.

Liam: Alf, Have you been to space yet?

Uh, not yet. I didn’t realize it was in my schedule. Let me check. Uhhhhhhhh… oh, you’re absolutely correct! It’s right here between diving to the bottom of the ocean and mining to the center of Oddworld. Oh damn, I missed the deadlines for all of those. Looks like it’s never going to happen. What a shame.

Night: I have been wondering lately, how does the entire rehab thing going?

I have noticed that sometimes when you answer question from fans you seem somewhat cranky. Maybe i am misunderstanding things, but is there something more recent bothering you?

Is the tea not as helpful anymore? You can always try and mix in some other hebrs, just be careful not to add anything as or more addictive then SoulStorm brew by accident.

Look here, sonny, you’d get cranky too if you had to sift your way through my mailbags. Oh, the messages I’m sent! Those same questions over and over because people won’t take the time to READ THE FAQ I spent so long putting together and maintaining; The dedicated fans that watch my every move, breathing down my neck when I’m trying to enjoy my private time; The messages from my boss telling me I need to stop spending much time answering alll these questions and get some work done; The repetitive spam emails offering to enlarge my teabags. It’s just all too much. I’m out of here.

We’re so close to a release for Stranger’s Wrath HD that my poor Mudokon brain can’t cope with concocting any more answers right now, but I’ll push for Volume 2 in a couple of weeks. Don’t stop sending more and more questions my way! You can email them, you can tweet them, you can Facebook them, you can Formspring them. The possibilities, like your questions, are endless!

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Dear Alf

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