Dear Alf

oddworld logo

Dear Alf September 2011 (Volume 2)

What's that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Is it an answer? No! It's an Alfster! The befezzed befriender returns with this month's…

What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Is it an answer? No! It’s an Alfster!

The befezzed befriender returns with this month’s second dose of questions answered, bafflement debaffled and complaints shredded and thrown in the locked bin where they belong far out of sight and mind. Enlightenment after the jump.

joseph: dear alf who would win in an arm wrestling contest you or abe

My dear Joseph, it would be no contest. Out of Abe and myself, only one of us spends all day stirring tea.

dear alf what do gabbit eggs taste like


redcap: ok some things i wanted to ask
1.)why didn’t anyone recognize Stranger as a Steef? It’s not like he bothered to disguise his face.

You’re telling me if you saw someone going around with a lion’s face, you’d recognize them as a lion even though they only had two legs? Yeah, right. Blow your other trumpet.

2.)For the first half of the game, Stranger had his hind legs and rear bound up against his forelegs. This seems incredibly painful — walking with the entirety of his lower body folded double against him.

This isn’t a question, how did it end up here?

3.)Why does the Outlaw that captures Stranger make a big deal of the fact that he was the one who captured Blisterz Booty? Wasn’t Booty a small fry?

Blisterz Booty was once a member of D. Caste Raider’s clan, but became ambitious and badass enough to start his own gang. When he got taken out by Stranger, his remaining followers moved back in with Raider. Make sense now?

headcrab: I really was looking forward to meeches lol will they draw any with colors couse I like how the meeches look like and are they wild or are they cowards?

Are they wild or are they cowards?? I can’t even think how you came up with that dichotomy. They were wildlife for certain. You’d be wild too if you were made extinct. In fact, you could say they were pretty cut up about it.

jack: hey alf are there any good outlaws in oddworld and what types of food do mudokons eat i would be suprised if all of the natives live on your tea!

If they were good, they wouldn’t be called ‘outlaws’, now would they. They’d be called ‘inlaws’, which is whole different kind of not-good. Mudokons eat all sorts: fruits we pick, crops we grow, meat we kill, milk we… well, milk.

Mars Mudoken: Just something that’s been bothering me: In Abe’s Oddysee and Exodus, you had those Mudokons who would give you powers (e.g. blow up everything red ring of death power). Why’d they ask you for a password? These things only seemed to blow up industrials (Wait, second question, why?), so they couldn’t hurt him. It seems silly somehow.

As a test of Abe’s worthiness. If Abe isn’t well versed in Mudokon scripture, culture and, uh, whistling then he’s not worth helping.

Andrew: Thanks for the replies, Alf. I nearly ran out of questions, but after some thought I’ve come up with more:

Oh thank the Odd!

Is Munch carnivorous? I assume he eats fish since he’s aquatic but I’m not too sure. I would ask the same for Stranger but he seems to like cornbread so, I’m gonna assume he’s omnivorous.

Did you not see the opening sequence where the Gabbits are eating fish?

And, how is that retired sleg hunter doing? When talking to Clakkerz I usually have the melee button ready, but he turned out to be pretty helpful. I even spoke to him after the bounty and he wasn’t a jerk about it.

Last I heard, he was thinking about taking up hunting again. If you ask me, he’s a bit over the hill to be doing that, but since Lefty Lugnutz screwed up the population numbers so much, it shouldn’t be too bad a job. Especially since the whole place is now deep underwater.

Lloyd: Abe is a different colour to most Mudokons,and that sligs beat him up for it,but how did Abe become that colour,was it an acciedent? or on purpose?

How do humans become different colors? Accidentally, or do you do it on purpose?

joseph: dear alf did you and abe ever get in a fight

You again? What is it with you and trying to get me and Abe to fight?

Forerunner: Speaking of Elums, how have those creatures been recently?


Mikey: Never really thought about it much beyond “useful thing for mudokons” but now I wonder if there’s anything more interesting about the properties of Spooce you could share with us? For example, is it a vegetable? Some kind of mushroom? Are they all green, all year round? And so on…

Spooce is a magical and mystical substance that bestows mojo and moxie. SpooceShrubs are just one source. SpooceShrubs are, I suppose, comparable to your Earthly mushrooms. They like well-hydrated, unpolluted land in general, but there are so many varieties it’s not worth me covering the full range of colors, habitats and lifecycles they demonstrate.

Aleks: I was wondering: Do any Mudokons study Astronomy? If there are, do you know about any of the other planets orbiting the celestial body that Mudos is orbiting?

There are Mudokon myths and calendars and cults and ceremonies dedicated to the stars and the skies, but a lot of it is forgotten lore, tribe-specific or shrouded in secrecy. I for one have more pressing concerns than what other things are whizzing about the sun.

Also are there any sporting events that you and Abe go see together.

We don’t have the big, corporate sports teams you might be used to. Our games are friendly and inclusive and casual. Abe and I do watch the hunters on some of their more ceremonial returns to praise their effort and success.

jonah: dear alf what is the all mighty raisin

The Almighty Raisin is a millennia-old sage who has aided more civilizations than I can name, but is now basically a dozy and dessicated stump. Please don’t tell anyone I said that!

will we ever git to see a sligs face

I sure hope we never have to endure that.

what is strangers real name

I think I heard someone call him Steve, but I might have misheard. But the fact is, no one really knows, hence the term “Stranger”. DUH!

That’s all for now, but Alf will be back with another installment at the start of October. In the mean time, send all your questions to His Unroyal Teaness through the usual channels: comment here on, mail Alf, message him on Facebook, Twitter or Formspring, or hurl your fine china at the wall in Morse Code. See you next month, Alfnauts and Oddnauts!

Read more about:


Dear Alf

I am over 13

Related Articles

Comments and Discussion